Urban Legends in Australia

Below is an account of flying here in Australia

While on a recreational trip to Ballina and Byron Bay, John Jameson who runs the Fish&Chip shop in Agnes Water and I, Bruce Rhoades (G'Day Bruce!) had a rather unexpected air experience. We were approaching Archerfield, Brisbane to refuel, near the TV towers and about 10 minutes from the runway.

I looked down to my lap and saw a snake there. At first, I thought that John had one of those deeply twisted minds which would think that a plastic snake is a really funny joke.....till the snake moved!

I don't remember what I yelled (though I clearly remembering yelling) at John through the intercom as this metre long snake wound its way down between my legs and onto the rudder pedals.

I then broadcast to the Archerfield tower that I had an emergency to declare as I had a snake in the cockpit.

"Did you say snake or smoke?"

My clarification broke the laws concerning profane language on the airways, but I made my emergency clear.

I asked which runway I could have, and was told to use anyone I wanted. I'd been priority landing, did I want all the emergency services rolled out to meet my plane? The thought of fire engines and ambulenes chaning me down the strip on landing didn't appeal to me [no sense of style, Bruce, always have the fire engines chase you], so I responded in the negative.

Meanwhile, the stowaway had moved up to lounge on the armrest alongside my left are with its head up in an either inquisitive or striking pose. There's a thin line between love and hate with a snake in close proximity, and either side of it's a bitch.

John kept whispering to me, "Don't move, don't move," which was not a comfort at all! We used the time that we had to discuss what type of snake our passenger might be, we rather thought that it was a tree snake, except that I'd never heard of a tree snake with diagonala white pin stripes on its back.

We landed smoothly (there's nothing like a snake on your left arm to make for a smooth landing) and slowed with emergency vehicles in pursuit, armed with rakes, shovels and instruments of destruction. The tower told us we could stop on the runway and exit the craft, if we wished.

By the time we'd stopped, the snake had moved down to John's feet (he was wearing shorts) and stuck its head out an air vent to get a look at our reception committee. It didn't like the look of what it saw, or perhaps it was just shy. In any event, he preferred our company, and retreated into the plane's fuselage.

We exited the aircraft in a calm and safe manner as prescribed by flight attendants everywhere.

An hour later, after having carefully unloading and trying to find or entice the snake that this was his destination, we decided that flying with a tree snake in the tail of the aircraft wasn't such a bad idea, and decided to carry on. John got a large towel in event that it proved necessary to engage in midair snake wrangling [yeah, skydiving's for pussies].

However, it seems that our friend was shy indeed, it had still to reveal itself by the time we reached Ballina. I left John there, and taxied for takeoff, not at all happy that I no longer had a snake-catching mate on the next leg of my trip, and the freeloader had still elected not to disembark, or pay.

However, as I was rolling for takeoff, the snake popped out on John's empty seat, had another look out the air vent, and realized that he was about to miss his destination. Turns out he'd been asleep and missed my anouncement that we'd arrived in Ballina. He exited the aircraft, slithering across the runway as I again took to the sky, soaring with an incredible sense of satisfaction.

This has to be a once in a life time experience and John was a very cool, calm passenger. The Tower told us that they'd never hand an in-flight snake emergency before. This definitely wasn't mentioned aywhere in the curriculum for pilot training.

by Bruce Rhoades (with some editing and revision by me)